Treacherous Hearts
by snowflke
Summary: One day, Matt suddenly disappeared. A year later, he returns. But will Tai ever trust him again? Taito
1. Will you still recall my name?

_**Treacherous Hearts**_

****

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon or its characters and so on_**

**_Authors note: Well, I'm back. I haven't been here for the last two years, and then all of a sudden I stumbled over this fic. I started it in 2005, so I thought I would upload it and see if people are still interested in Taitos ;_**

**_The story contains gay stuff and homophobia and alcoholism and such later on, so don't read it if you don't like that._**

**_Chapter one: Will you still recall my name?_**

_Drinking water to stay thin  
Or is it to purify?  
__I love you all the same  
_

_But there's no, no real with my fury  
You don't have to believe me  
I love you all the same _

But you stole the sun from my heart  
You stole the sun from my heart  
You stole the sun from my heart  
You stole the sun from  
You stole the sun from  
Aaaaahhhh

You have broken through my armour  
And I don't have an answer  
I love you all the same

I paint the things I want to see here  
But it don't come easy  
I love you all the same

But you stole the sun from my heart  
You stole the sun from my heart  
You stole the sun from my heart  
You stole the sun from  
You stole the sun from  
Aaaaaaahhhh

Think I'm lost among the undergrowth  
So much so I woke up  
I love you all the same

But you stole the sun from my heart  
You stole the sun from my  
You stole the sun from my heart  
You stole the sun from  
You stole the sun from  
Aaaaaahhhhh

I have got to stop smiling  
It gives the wrong impression 

"Taichi! Wake up!"

I stretched out upon my bed, not bothering to answer. The song ended and I took of my headphones, pushing the "stop" button on the CD-player.

My sister had been calling for me every five minutes for the last hour, but I didn't bother to tell her that I was actually awake already.

"TAICHI!"

Yup, that was my name. Or Tai for short. Seventeen years old, brown hair, brown eyes. I'm not tall but not short either, not stupid but not too intelligent. I guess I would describe myself as ordinary. I wake up, go to school, go home, watch TV and then I sleep and the next day I do the same things again. That's my life. It's how I get through the days. By not stopping to think; I stick to my routines and hope that I will be able to go on for a couple of more weeks.

I yawned and glanced at the digital clock on my bedside table. 10:32. My sister was a freak, she actually thought that she could make me get out of bed before eleven o'clock at a Saturday morning.

"Dream on, little sis", I said to no one in particular.

But ten minutes later, I realised that I couldn't go back to sleep. Listening to music had chased my sleep away and now I was just bored. And besides, I was also hungry so I found no real reason not to get up.

I yawned once again and looked around to see if there were any clothes in reach. Unfortunately not, so I had to get out of my bed and _walk_ to my closet. I picked out a pair of old worn out jeans, a T-shirt and – after a glance through the window – a warm black polo-neck sweater.

My room was really messy even to be mine. Piles of stuff was everywhere on the floor and the bed was all messed up with the mattress almost slid down to the floor. The thought of cleaning up flashed through my brain before settling in the forgotten and unused parts of my head where it belonged.

When I was on my way out of the room, a shining object on my desk drew my attention away from the waiting breakfast.

"TAICHI YOU LAZY BASTARD!!"

I ignored her once again and waded through the clothes and books to reach the desk. The shining object turned out to be a photography, covered by a layer of dust (hey, I _did_ clean my room _sometimes_). I blew the dust away and took a closer look at the picture.

My heart almost missed a beat.

I remembered the day that photo was taken. It was 16 months ago, at summer vacation. The beach was full of people and the water warm.

I remembered that it was a really hot day. Tons of ice-cream must have been consumed.

I remembered that he asked me to come to the beach with him.

The picture showed two boys, about fifteen years old, standing just where the water met the shore. One of them tanned, athletic, with brown hair that stuck out from the head in a lot of different directions. The other one pale and thin with shoulder long golden hair. Both boys were smiling, not knowing anything about sadness or emptiness, not yet bothered by life.

I felt my legs starting to shake. Shivering I realised I couldn't breath. My legs didn't bear me anymore, so I sat down on my bed, trying to catch my breath.

I had almost forgotten. No, not forgotten. But at least accepted.

The brown haired teen on the photo was me. Back then when everyone described me as playful, joyful, and weird. When I still enjoyed being wild and free.

And the other boy, the angelic one…

"TAICHI YAGAMI YOU BETTER GET OUT HERE NOW OR YOU WON'T GET ANY BREAKFAST!"

With a sigh I put the photography on the bedside table. I couldn't watch it. I closed my stinging eyes and took a deep breath.

I got up from the bed and walked out into the kitchen. My little sister, Kari, was sitting at the table, looking rather pissed off.

"Oh, you're here. Good."

Kari, my oh-so-loved sister. She was fifteen years old, but behaved as if she were my mother. So she had for the past year. People said she changed when I did. After that horrible autumn.

"Sorry Kari", I said and sat down at the table.

She snorted.

"You know that if you didn't sleep half the days every weekend, it would be easier for you to get up for school. Your body would get used to getting up early and…"

"Okay okay, I get it", I snapped.

She looked surprised. I didn't usually snap at her.

"Well, sorry then", she said, offended.

I didn't listen.

Okay, I didn't usually treat my sister like this. I just got in a really bad mode after seeing…

"Tai? Is there something you want to talk about?"

"Huh?"

"You seem to be a little down. You know I'll listen if you want to talk."

I couldn't resist smiling. She was so nice.

"Thank you but no thank you", I said.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

But I offered her a wink and another smile. That seamed to take away her worries and she started to put some marmalade on a piece of bread.

I nodded weakly. She continued to stare. It freaked me out.

"What?" I snapped.

She just kept staring. I stood up.

"I'm not hungry."

While walking towards my room I could feel her worried gaze stinging me in the back. I knew I acted weird, but there was nothing I could do. There was too many memories that had been woke up by that photo; I couldn't keep them away and that scared me.

I got into my room again, and immediately lay down upon the bed with my arms behind my neck. I stared at the ceiling, at the tiny cracks like a spider web through the white colour.

So many memories, so little room for them. I didn't want to have them this close. I had learned to live with them, but now they wanted a part of me. My heart.

I really thought I had accepted it.

My life really changed after that, oh yeah it did. I think everybody noticed, because I changed, I hid from the world and tried to neglect my old self just to keep the memories away.

Maybe they thought I overreacted, maybe they thought it was in vain. Changing who I was wouldn't do anything, it was too late, things had already happened.

Oh how I wished I could go back in time, change those things that went wrong.

God, I acted as if someone had died. Well, close enough, because that was how it felt in my heart. Death is when someone loved leave us. Then I guess death was what I felt. Pure death. It ate my heart, nagged at my brain.

I turned on the music, trying to distract my thoughts before regret made me do something stupid.

The ringing of the phone woke me up from my thoughts.

"I'll answer!" Kari shouted.

I nodded, even though I was fully aware that she couldn't possibly see that.

"Hello", I heard her eager voice from the hall.

Then there was silence for quite a while. She mumbled something in a low, harsh voice. Curiosity made me get out of the bed and open my bedroom door to hear what she was saying. Kari was never irritated at people, but now it sounded as if she was arguing with someone.

When she saw me standing there, she said "Hold on" and turned away from the phone.

"It's for you", she said in a voice that was almost cracking.

"Who is it?" I asked.

She didn't answer, just kissed me on the cheek and then left. Confused by her behaviour I picked up the phone.

"Yeah?"

"Hey Tai. It's me."

I frowned.

"Who?"

"Don't you recognise my voice?"

A shiver went down my spine. That voice, I knew it so well…

"It's me, Yamato."

_Click._

I hung up on him.

****

**_Well, there it it. First chapter. Tell me what you think._**

**** **_(oh, and the song is "You stole the sun from my heart" by Manic Street Preachers)_**

**_Love, Snowflke_**


	2. There is no need to cry

**_Treacherous Hearts_**

****

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon and so on_**

**_Authors note: Well, second chapter is up. Things will be explained later on, so have patience._**

****

**_Chapter two: There is no need to cry_**

I could hear my heartbeats like thunder in my head, throbbing. My legs bent and I found myself sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall.

Yamato.

How many times hadn't I waited for that call? Those first weeks, every afternoon, every night when I barely slept; all I did was to wait for him to call. But he didn't. And now when he did I hung up on him.

So unexpected. Yet…that photo. What are the chances for such a coincidence? Seeing that old picture of him and me, and just an hour later hear from him for the first time in a whole year.

I took a deep breath. Trying to fight back the tears that were stinging in my eyes. Why should I cry? It was a year ago, no big deal. I didn't even know him anymore.

But yet I cried. Sitting on the floor in the hall, I wept my eyes out.

Because I missed him so much.

A stubborn ringing sound woke me up from my thoughts. I raised my head and realised it was the phone. Should I answer? Was I ready to talk to him? No.

But yet I found the phone in my hands, and a voice I knew from ages ago reached my ears.

"Tai? Are you there?"

I was quiet.

"Tai? Hey Tai, I know you're there. Please talk to me."

"What do you want?" I asked.

"I want to talk to you."

"_I_ don't want to talk to _you_."

"Please Tai…"

"Why… why are you even calling? Wh… what is going on?" I stuttered.

"I just…" he trailed off.

"No. You know what? Never mind. I don't care, okay? I don't care anymore."

"But Tai…"

"No Yama. I… please, don't call me ever again."

And then I hung up again.

I could see Kari standing in the doorway, an anxious look on her face.

"He called", I stated the obvious.

"Yeah. I know", she said, carefully moving closer.

"I didn't want him to call", I said, feeing like I was somehow outside my body.

"Tai, are you okay?" Kari asked. "You're really pale."

"I'm fine", I mumbled, heading for the kitchen.

"I… Tai, I… I spoke to him for a while, just to tell him that he's an asshole and to ask why the fuck he's calling you after all this time. He said that… he's back in Odaiba."

I just nodded, my mind numbed and my body moving on its own accord, opening one of the cupboards.

"Tai, come on. Talk to me", Kari insisted, snatching away the bottle of vodka I had just retrieved from the cupboard. "You know that won't help, Tai. We've been over this a million times."

"Give it back, Kari", I growled.

"No way. I won't let you mess up now. Come on, Tai, you've been sober for three months, are you going to just throw all that work away because that fucking bastard decided to call you after all this time?"

Yeah, I'm an alcoholic. Or at least I used to be. I forgot to mention that, I guess. I've been sober for three whole months now, and it's ironic that the same bastard who got me to start drinking in the first place has almost done that again. Of course, he is not aware of it, but it's still his fault.

"Kari, just…"

I didn't know what to say, so I sat down at the table and buried my face in my hands. I could hear Kari put the vodka back in the cupboard and then pad across the floor to sit beside me.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Not too good. I don't know."

"Want to talk to me?"

"No, it's just... I mean, it's been a year since he left, I've moved on. I'm actually beginning to live again, you know, and I quit drinking and I've got a job and… and then he just… he's _here_, Kari, I mean, he's actually back. I'm going to have to meet him again and I don't know what will happen then and that scares the shit out of me."

Kari was quiet. She's a good listener. Suddenly the doorbell rang, breaking the silence.

"I'll get it", Kari said and hurried into the hall.

She opened the door and I could hear the unmistakeable voice of Daisuke echoing across the apartment. Daisuke is a friend of ours, and he's actually a great kid once you understand his… behaviour.

"HEY KARI WANNA COME OUT AND PLAY SOCCER?" he asked excitedly.

"No, I don't think so", Kari answered.

"Why not?" the voice of Takeru said, and I could hear he was pouting.

Takeru, Matt's brother. I didn't want to think about Matt but today it seemed like I couldn't avoid it.

"I'm sorry boys, I can't come."

"Why not?" Dais insisted. "If you're going to ditch us, you can at least tell us why."

"Yeah, because if it's homework, we'll feel pretty bad about you choosing that over us", Takeru said, still pouting.

"No, it's…"

Kari trailed off, probably checking if I was eavesdropping. I quickly began to flush water into the sink, pretending to be busy.

"Well, it's Tai", she finally said in a quiet voice.

"What about him?" Takeru asked.

"Well, let's just say that your brother called him today to tell him that he's back in Odaiba and since there's a bottle of vodka in the kitchen I don't think I want to leave him alone."

At that point, I didn't really know if I should be touched or annoyed. I mean, I wasn't a child, I could take care of myself.

On the other hand, Kari had been taking care of me a lot during my "drinking months". Since our parents were the workaholic type, they were rarely home. At first, I considered that a good thing. I could come home from school, open a bottle of vodka, get myself drunk and then go to bed before my parents got home from work. I think they knew what was going on (and Kari probably told them as soon as she found out) but I don't think they cared. For the last year, they have more or less pretended that they don't even have a son. So Kari looked after me, and she helped me to stop drinking once I realised that I was ruining my life.

My point is, I'm very grateful for Kari, but sometimes, she's a little overprotective. And I don't want her to give up her life just because she thinks she has to take care of me. That's why I decided to interfere.

"Hey guys", I said as I stepped out into the hall.

"Oh, hey Tai", Dais and Takeru said simultaneously, both looking quite uncomfortable.

"Kari told us about… you know…"

"Your idiot brother?" I offered.

"Yeah. You okay?"

"I'm fine", I lied.

Kari gave me a sceptic look.

"No, really Kari, I'm fine."

"Whatever", she sighed.

"So, where are you guys going?" I asked, pretending not to have eavesdropped.

"Play soccer. You wanna come?" said Dais eagerly.

"You know I don't play soccer anymore", I said quietly.

"Oh…"

Soccer used to be the purpose of my life. I LOVE that sport. But nowadays it's not what it used to be.

"You go play though", I told Kari.

"But Tai…"

"Hikari, go! I can take care of myself" I said and pushed her towards the door.

"You sure?" she asked, obviously not convinced.

"I promise I'll behave" I said and gave her shoulder a quick squeeze. "But thanks for your concern."

"Okay, see you later bro"

"Bye Tai."

The three of the left and the apartment was quiet again. Determined not to look towards the cupboard containing the vodka I walked straight into my room and laid down on my bed.

I had a lot of things to think about, and yet it was soccer that occupied my mind. I used to be a decent soccer player. In fact, I was more than decent. But since I got kicked out of the team I lost the motivation. Soccer was suddenly associated with bad things.

Do you want to know why I got kicked out?

I'm a fag. That's why. They decided that they didn't want one of _my kind_ on their team.

If it wasn't for a boy named Yamato Ishida, my life would have been absolutely normal. I would still be playing soccer, I wouldn't have to watch my back every time I stepped outside the apartment, my parents would still talk to me… in other words, no one would know I was gay. Maybe I wouldn't even _be_ gay at all. Because Yamato Ishida was the one who made me realise that I prefer dicks to chicks. And then he left.

I haven't given him any thought for the last couple of weeks. I've been trying to forget about him. But who could forget that face? Who could forget those eyes? And who could forget being stabbed in the back by their best friend and lover?

Well, I can't.

**_And that's it for now. As I said before, things will be explained, probably in the next chapter. Please review._**

****

**_Love, Snowflke_**


	3. Don't you ever let me down

**_Treacherous Hearts_**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon _**

**_Authors Note: Well, chapter three is up. This is the chapter explaining everything, so enjoy it. The Italic parts are flashbacks, in case you won't figure that out on your own._**

**_ And thanks to you who reviewed._**

**_Chapter three: Don't you ever let me down_**

****

* * *

Yamato and I had been best friends since… well, since forever. We met in kindergarten and we immediately liked each other. We were like twins, finishing each other's sentences and spending all of our spare time together. School didn't change that, we attended the same classes and always sat next to each other. The only things separating us were soccer and music. Of course we had other friends as well, but the two of us were… well, we were inseparable. At least until that autumn a year ago.

We had both just turned sixteen. Life was as it always had been, him and me sticking together as always. But then I met Hazel.

Hazel was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Large green eyes, pale skin and black hair. I fell in love with her the first time I saw her. And of course I told Matt about it. He just laughed at me when I told him over and over again that I _had_ to date her.

When I finally found the courage to ask her out and she said yes I was happier than ever before. And of course I told Matt about it. Again, he just laughed at me when I told him that I really, really loved her. He told me it was just hormones.

This may sound a bit mean, him laughing at me for being in love. But that's Matt. He thinks that love is bullshit. He says he doesn't believe in love. So I wasn't offended at all, because I knew how he would react and still I told him. We had always been able to tell each other everything.

So of course I told him that I'd slept with her. And this time, he didn't laugh. He just looked at me in a really funny way. I didn't pay much attention to that, but maybe I should have.

He acted really weird after that. He avoided me, saying that he needed some time to himself. I thought that was strange, since we had been friends for sixteen years and Matt had never even mentioned such a thing as privacy. I mean, we spent almost all of out time together, and our families were used to having either both of us or none of us at home. But I let him have his privacy, knowing that I couldn't possibly force him to hang out with me if he didn't want to. So I spent more time with Hazel. But the more I tried to do what Yama asked of me, the more annoyed he got.

Eventually, I confronted him. I asked him why he was avoiding me. We were at a party held by Mimi, a friend of ours, and I will never forget that night.

* * *

_The boys stared at each other, apparently oblivious to the loud music and the people dancing and talking all around them. _

"_Please, Yama, tell me what's wrong", the tanned one said, his words slightly slurred by alcohol._

"_Just drop it, Tai, it's none of your business", the other one answered, his cobalt eyes flashing with annoyance and something else, something disturbingly close to fear._

"_What do you mean 'it's none of my business'? Of course it is. I'm your best friend, if something is bothering you…"_

"_Are you?" the blond one interrupted._

"_Am I what?"_

"_Are you my best friend?"_

_A look of pure shock made Taichi's face pale._

"_Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"_

_Yamato didn't answer._

"_Come on", Tai said, slightly annoyed. "Just tell me what the fuck is wrong!"_

"_Why would you even care? Just… leave me alone. Go talk to Hazel or something."_

_Taichi's chocolate eyes narrowed._

"_Is that what this is all about? Are you jealous of Hazel?"_

"_I…I…" Yamato stuttered._

"_Oh, Matt, you stupid. You don't have any reason to be jealous. I love Hazel, but I would never ever choose her over you. You know that, you're my best friend…"_

"_Maybe I don't want to be!" Matt suddenly shouted._

"_What?"_

_They stared at each other, both looking equally shocked by the words._

"_What do you mean?" Taichi asked, ignoring the dancing couple who accidentally pushed him closer to Matt. _

"_I don't…"_

"_Don't you like me anymore?"_

_It was obvious that Tai was hurt._

"_No, I didn't mean it like that. I just… shit…"_

_Yamato tried to push past Tai, but the brown haired boy caught his arm and refused to let go._

"_Then tell me what you mean!" Tai shouted, looking really pissed off._

"_Let go, Tai."_

"_Not until you tell me. Shit, Yama, you've been acting all crazy for the last couple of weeks. Tell me what's up. I miss you! Why don't you want to hang out with me anymore?"_

_A few people were observing them, looking rather amused. Yamato nervously ran a hand through his blond hair, but he didn't say anything._

"_Well, never mind then", Tai shouted and turned around to leave. "Fuck you!"_

"_No, Tai, wait!"_

_Yama caught up with him and stopped him._

"_You gonna tell me or what__?" Tai asked, still angry._

"_Well, I… I'm jealous of Hazel" Yamato spluttered out._

"_But I told you there's nothing to be jealous about. The only reason I've been spending more time with her that with you is because you wanted privacy or whatever it was. I told you, you're my best friend…"_

"_Exactly!" Yamato shouted. "I'm your best friend while she gets to be your girlfriend. I… I'm in love with you, Tai!"_

_The look on Taichi's face changed from anger to shock, his eyes wide and his jaw dropping._

"_You WHAT?!"_

"_I… I'm sorry."_

_Yamato pushed past Tai and fled, leaving the other boy looking as though his whole world had just fallen apart._

_

* * *

_After that, everything changed. Yama refused to talk to me. I tried to corner him in school, but he managed to stay away from me for several weeks. 

Since I was three years old, I had shared everything with him. Not being able to talk to him for weeks was the strangest experience of my life. I wasn't sure what to think about the thing he said at Mimi's party. Yamato Ishida, the guy who didn't believe in love, my best friend (_male_ best friend) told me that he was in love with me.

I was really confused and I really wanted to talk to someone about it. But I knew that Matt would be furious if I told anyone about it. Not that that really mattered, since I had no one to tell. I couldn't talk to Hazel, because despite the fact that I was in love with her, I didn't really trust her when it came to secrets. Sometimes, she talked too much.

If things were the way they should be, I would have talked to Matt. I always told him everything, and I know he would have been able to help, or at least comfort me. But since he was the source of the problem, and since he refused to talk to me, I had to figure things out on my own.

Everyone noticed that we weren't talking. I mean, why wouldn't they? We had always been sticking together, everywhere and all the time. Suddenly we didn't even look at each other (at least _he_ didn't look at _me_). This behaviour started a lot of weird rumours, some of them hilarious and some of them pretty close to the truth. I think that was what made him talk to me at last.

* * *

_Taichi was walking towards the soccer field when he heard someone call his name. He turned around and saw Matt walking rapidly towards him, his black jacket zipped up and his hands in his pockets to protect himself from the icy wind._

"_Hey", he said, as he stopped in front of Tai._

"_Hi."_

_They looked at each other for a while, uncertain of what to say. At last, Matt cleared his throat._

"_Look, Tai, I'm sorry for avoiding you."_

_Tai just grunted and put his hands in his pocket. He was wearing his soccer clothes, and the day was cold._

"_Will you let me explain?" Matt asked._

_Tai nodded, shivering slightly._

"_Well… I was scared", Matt whispered. "After what I said at Mimi's party, I was afraid you would hate me, so I thought that if I avoided you, you wouldn't be able to tell me and then I could keep convincing myself that you didn't hate me…"_

"_Come here, you stupid", Tai said and pulled Matt into a hug._

"_Of course I don't hate you Yama", he whispered, and he immediately felt Matt's body relax._

_

* * *

_After that, things almost went back to normal. We never spoke about his crush on me, and I guess I thought it would go away if I ignored it. I was wrong. 

People seemed relieved that Matt and I were friends again. It meant that things were as they were supposed to be. Though some of our friends claimed that we seemed to get along even better than before our fight. I don't know if that's true. Maybe. Kari even suggested that we behaved like a couple.

The only one who wasn't happy that Matt and I were friends again was Hazel. She became insanely jealous of mine and Matt's friendship, and eventually she told me that I had to pick; either her or Yama.

I picked Yama. She slapped me and then she left.

He comforted me that night, told me that she wasn't good enough for me anyway. I think he was secretly happy that I picked him over her, but I was still happy that he endured my outbursts of anger and sadness through the entire night.

A few days later, Mimi threw a Halloween party. I didn't intend on going, still wound up about Hazel, and neither did Matt, but Kari and TK forced us to. I went as a cowboy, and Matt as a gothic style vampire. When we arrived, the house was already full of fairies, trolls, witches and ghosts. We had a few drinks and met lots of people. And then, the party turned into another one that I'll never forget.

* * *

_Yamato was getting drunk. His cobalt eyes were slightly unfocused and he had troubles walking straight. So when he reached Taichi it just felt logical to hold on to him. His friend didn't seem to mind; being a bit drunk himself, he put his arm around Matt's shoulders._

_When they had been standing like that for a while, talking to Mimi, Sora and Dais, Matt figured that he could just as well sneak his arm around Tai's waist. Dais raised his eyebrows and Mimi and Sora exchanged a look that clearly said "okay, what's going on?", but neither of them said anything. _

_But then Yamato decided to rest his chin on Tai's shoulder. _

"_What are you doing?" Tai mumbled quietly._

_Matt didn't answer. Instead, he pressed his lips against Tai's._

_

* * *

_I remember I could hear Mimi and Sora gasping, but I didn't care. All I cared about was him in my arms, his lips against mine, his tongue in my mouth. And I realised that I would never kiss a girl again. 

It may seem weird to just suddenly realise that you're gay. And to suddenly realise, at the same time, that you're in love with your best friend. But that's exactly what happened to me. As soon as he kissed me, I knew. And I don't care if I sound like someone who just jumped out of a silly romantic movie. I don't car if it sounds cliché when I say that I suddenly realised that we were made for each other. Now, a year later, I realise that maybe those things didn't appear as suddenly as I thought. Maybe I realised that I was gay and that I was indeed in love with Matt earlier than that. I was just too busy believing I was in love with Hazel to realise it.

I don't know. The point is, when he kissed me I liked it. I kissed him back. I could hear people gasping and laughing but I didn't care. Neither did he.

Somehow, we left the party. I don't remember how, but we did. We went to his apartment and we had sex and it was the best experience of my life.

We spent Saturday and Sunday in bed, not answering our phones or listening to the doorbell. Yama's dad was away so we had the apartment to ourselves. We talked a lot, about how our lives would be from now on. And when Monday came, we had to go to school. Yama was jumpy all morning, but I thought he was just nervous about what TK would say about him being gay, seeing as he had voiced that fear the previous night.

We left his apartment and walked towards school. After a few steps someone shouted my mane.

"Yagami! Hey, Yagami, you fag, over here!"

I looked in the direction of the voice, spotting a guy who was in my English class. I ignored him as he continued to shout insults, but Yama was pale and silent. We soon reached school, but suddenly, he stopped.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Oh, I just… I forgot something at home", he said, his eyes flickering between me and school. "I've got to go get it. I'll see you later."

"Okay, bye", I said, a little surprised by his behaviour. "See you later."

"Yeah, bye."

He leaned forwards and kissed me quickly.

"I love you, Tai", he said, and then he turned around and walked away. And I haven't seen him since then.

From that day, my life was a mess. First of all, the entire school now knew that I was gay, so I was constantly picked on, and the only reason I wasn't beat up more frequently was because they all knew I could fight back.

I waited for Yama to call, to tell me where he was. He had left a note for his father on the kitchen table, saying that he had to go away for a while, to take care of a few things. I couldn't believe he hadn't told me.

He didn't call. And after two weeks I realised that he probably wouldn't.

I got kicked off the soccer team. People avoided me in school, thinking I was contagious or something. I got beaten up a few times.

My friends stuck to me, though. I am truly grateful for that. Kari, Sora, Mimi, Dais and Takeru were all prepared to take a punch for me. I guess I owe them.

Somehow, my parents found out about my "situation", as my mother called it. They tried to convince me that it was just hormones, just a phase. I told them that I was really homosexual. From that day, they have been ignoring me as much as possible.

That's when I started drinking. Kari found out about it and tried to get me to stop, but I refused. Drinking was what got me through the days. Eventually, the day came when I was drunk in school and got suspended. From then on, I didn't go to school at all.

This went on for a few weeks. And then, just as suddenly as I once realised that I was gay, I realised that I was an alcoholic.

Kari (and my friends as well) helped me quit drinking and pull myself together. I went back to school, where people were getting bored with hating me and mostly just snorted as I passed by. I got a job in the local CD-store and I guess you could say that I moved on with my life.

And then he called me.

All this time, I've never known where he is or why he left. For a while, I thought I didn't care anymore. But this autumn day, lying in my bed, letting myself being washed away by memories, I realised that I still cared. I had loved him for years, and it didn't even matter if it was as a friend or if I was in love with him. He used to be a part of me, and thinking about the fact that I hadn't heard from him for a whole year made my insides ache with sorrow.

So I did the only reasonable thing. I took the bottle of vodka and made myself forget all about Yamato Ishida.

**

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**

_Well, that's it. Next chapter wil be up as soon as possible Please review._

_Love, Snowflke_


	4. You're such a pretty one

**_Treacherous Hearts_**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon yada yada..._**

**_Authors Note: Well, another chapter. I'm proud of myself for updating so frequently. I just love writing this story, it's fun. _**

**_Tell me what you think._**

**_Chapter four: You're such a pretty one_**

* * *

I woke up to the unmistakable sound of the door being opened. I realised I was lying on the floor, and the half-full bottle next to my right hand must have been the reason why. I quickly tried to get to my feet, not wanting Kari to find me like this, but I realised pretty soon that I was still drunk.

"Tai!" Kari called, announcing her entrance.

"Mmmgh…" I mumbled.

"Tai, are you home?" she called.

I didn't bother to answer; my head was throbbing unpleasantly and I suddenly felt really sick. With an enormous effort I stood up, stumbling towards the bedroom door. Kari was standing right outside my room, and as I staggered towards the bathroom her voice echoed in my sore head.

"Taichi, are you drunk?" she hissed, following me through the hall.

"No, I'm just gonna have some water", I mumbled in a drunken slur.

"Yeah, because you're acting really sober" she said, her voice filled with sarcasm, as I tripped over my own feet and fell to my knees.

"Shut up, Kari."

I tried to get up, but my legs didn't want to cooperate with the rest of my body and I fell to my back with a loud thud. I could hear Kari's annoyed sigh.

"You're so stupid, Tai", she yelled. "Why did you have to do this? You want to be an addict again?"

"Shut up", I groaned.

"No, I won't shut up. This is stupid. You can't keep getting yourself drunk every time things get tough. You have to learn how to deal with stuff and still stay sober, Tai. I can't baby-sit you for the rest of my life!"

She was pissed off now. It felt weird, since Kari was one of those people who hardly ever get mad. It made me feel a lot worse about myself. If someone who's mad a lot gets mad at you, it's no big deal. But if Kari is mad, that means she has a good reason to be.

I tried to tell her I was sorry, but neither she nor I could understand what I said.

"Shit, Tai", she muttered.

"Bathroom", I managed to say, because my insides were squirming quite unpleasantly.

Kari got me off the floor and helped me get to the bathroom. I spent an hour in there, repeatedly throwing up. My sister then reappeared with a glass of water, and then she helped me get to bed. It wasn't easy to fall asleep, since everything started to spin rapidly every time I closed my eyes. I felt like shit and deeply regretted getting myself drunk, and I promised myself that I would never drink again.

I have to admit, this was _not_ the best Saturday of my life. 

I spent most of Sunday in bed, with a terrible hangover. Kari was irritable and refused to talk to me for most of the day. Our parents were at work and the apartment was quiet; I was sleeping and Kari sat in front of her computer.

In the afternoon, I was finally fit to get out of bed. I immediately took a shower, since hangovers tend to make you feel a bit disgusting. When I got back to my bedroom to get dressed, wrapped in a towel, Kari was sitting on my bed waiting for me.

"Tai…"

"I know", I interrupted her. "I'm stupid. But can you leave and let me get dressed before you start yelling at me?"

She rolled her eyes but walked out of the room. I quickly got dressed and then I went into the living room where Kari was sitting, arms crossed over her chest.

"So…" I said, sitting down next to her.

"You're stupid", she said.

"I know."

We were quiet for a while. Then she sighed deeply.

"Now what?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You gonna start drinking again?"

"No way", I assured her. "I just had a relapse or something."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely."

"Good."

I nodded, picking on a loose thread in my jeans.

"I'm going to have to see him again, Kari", I mumbled.

She sighed, obviously deciding that she was finished being angry with me, and moved closer, wrapping her arms around me.

"I know. You'll have to. You can't avoid him forever."

"No, I guess not."

"But… at least you can ask him why he left."

"Yeah… I'm not sure I want to know though."

"You don't?"

"Well, I don't think I really care anymore…"

"Tai, you can't fool me and I don't think you can fool yourself either by saying that. You still care."

"I hate him."

"No you don't. But I understand why you want to."

Sometimes, I wonder if she knows me too well.

"He won't be in school though", Kari said.

"He won't?"

"No, TK told me he's got a band or something, and they're pretty good, they make some money and stuff. Apparently Matt says that this is his career and that he doesn't need more education."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Well, having a band was his big dream, I'm glad it came true", I said, though the bitterness in my voice contradicted me.

On Monday morning, the first thing that happened once I reached my locker was that Mimi and Sora came swishing towards me and almost collided with the wall. Both girls looked very concerned.

"Hey Tai, we heard about your weekend", Sora said rapidly as she tried to catch her breath.

"Yeah?"

"You okay?" Mimi asked, squeezing my arm gently.

"Yeah, I'm fine", I lied.

I hadn't slept at all that night; I was too worried about bumping into Yamato sometime during the week. Odaiba is not a big town; we were bound to meet eventually.

"You look quite pale, though", Sora stated.

"I said I'm fine."

"Kari told us about your… relapse", Mimi said.

"Yeah, so what?"

I was getting quite annoyed. I knew they only wanted to help, but I wasn't really in the mood to be helped.

"Calm down, we just want to make sure you're okay", Sora said as we began walking towards first class.

"Of course I'm okay, why wouldn't I be?" I snapped.

They both halted, exchanging one of those girls' looks I can't interpret.

"Whatever", I muttered and left them.

The day slowly passed, and when last class ended, I went straight home, locked myself in my room and went to bed early. Next day was pretty much the same, except that Sora and Mimi probably told everyone about me being touchy so they were all easy on me.

On Friday, I still hadn't run into Matt, and I was utterly relieved. So relieved that I said yes when the guys asked if I wanted to come to the mall with them. Me, Sora, Mimi, Kari and Dais walked the three miles to the mall despite the lousy weather, getting wet and cold but still being happy because it was Friday.

I worked in the CD-store in the mall, but since there was a new guy who needed to get trained, I had been given a week off so I didn't have to work until Monday. Still, after spending some time in different stores, I thought I'd stop by and talk to my boss (I always say that if you want a pay raise, you have to kiss some ass). Since Dais and Kari wanted to buy some CDs, we all went.

As I entered the store, the first thing I saw was a person with golden hair standing behind the counter. This triggered some kind of alarm system in my mind, but I didn't realise why. It wasn't until Kari and Mimi abruptly halted, causing me to crash into them, that I understood why.

Yamato stood only a few feet away from me, wearing the ebony black staff shirt, his cobalt eyes fixed upon me.

Neither of us said anything. It felt as if we stood like that for ages, staring at each other.

He looked even better than I could remember. His skin was as pale as always, his hair soft and golden, his eyes bright blue. I could hardly breathe.

And then he moved and the spell broke. He opened his mouth to say something, but I just turned around and left, ignoring my friends' calls. I ran all the way home, and then I collapsed on my bed, trying really hard not to cry.

If I had thought I wasn't in love with him anymore, I was completely wrong. As soon as I'd laid eyes upon him I knew that I still wanted to be with him. And that scared me more than anything else.

* * *

**_Some day, I will write longer chapters. I guess I'm just eager to update. Please review._**

**_Love, Snowflake_**


	5. Dazed by careless words

**_Treacherous Hearts_**

**_Disclaimer: Would you really sue me if I claimed I own Digimon?_**

**_Author's Note: Well, new chapter AGAIN. I'm so proud. I'm becoming addicted to this story, I love to write it._**

**_Please review and tell me what you think._**

**_Chapter five: Dazed by careless words_**

* * *

This was unbelievable. Totally crazy and stupid and weird. Not only did he abandon me, stab me in the back and destroy my life. On top of it all, he also managed to steal my job.

I had been thinking this over a hundred times during the night, and I decided that I had to quit. I couldn't possibly work with _him_, that was impossible. I didn't even want to see him, much less be forced to talk to him at work. No way.

I can honestly say I was confused. No matter how much I wanted to hate him, I couldn't. Of course I would never trust him again, and I was hurt and angry with him. But the thing that bothered me was the fact that I was still in love with him. I tried not to be, but it was pointless. I loved the boy.

So I didn't really know how to react. I wanted to talk to him again; he'd been a part of my life for as long as I could remember. And at the same time I just wanted him to disappear; I wanted him out of my life. I missed him, but I didn't want to see him.

As I said, I was really confused.

When I woke up on Saturday morning, Kari was sitting on my bed, legs crossed and her face determined.

"Good morning?" I said, a bit surprised.

"We need to talk", she said unceremoniously and got off of my bed.

"We do?"

"Yeah. Get up."

She walked out of my room, tripping over various objects on the floor. I winced as she almost stepped on my CD-player.

"And you should seriously consider cleaning up your room", she shouted over her shoulder.

"You're not my mum, Hikari, stop nagging", I groaned.

I got out of bed and got dressed. When I entered the kitchen, I was surprised to find not only Kari but also Sora and Mimi in there.

"Good morning?" I said. "What are you guys doing here this early?"

"We need to talk to you", Mimi said, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Great", I muttered under my breath as I made myself a few toasts.

When I joined them at the table, the three girls turned their attention towards me.

"Okay, talk", I said with my mouth full of toast.

"Well", Mimi said, playing with her pink hair. "Kari says you won't go back to the CD-store."

"How did you…?" I trailed off. "Never mind. I guess I shouldn't even get surprised anymore."

"I know you too well, Tai", Kari beamed.

I just grunted, my mind temporarily focused on my breakfast.

"You have to, though", Sora said after a few minutes' pause.

"What?"

"You have to go to work."

"And why is that?"

"Because you can't let him win", Mimi stated.

"I don't want to work with him, end of story", I said stubbornly.

"You can't just let him win Tai!" Sora groaned. "You let him ruin things for you once, don't let him do that again!"

"I let him ruin things?" I yelled. "I _let_ him ruin things? I didn't fucking _let_ him ruin anything, Sora. It wasn't like I knew what he would do, did I? He ruined everything because he wanted to, and there was nothing I could have done to stop him even if he had bothered to fucking tell me what he was going to do!"

I was standing up, shouting at the top of my lungs. The girls' faces had looks of pure shock on them as I finally sat down, burying my face in my hands.

"I just… I don't want to see him again, okay?" I said in a small voice.

"But Tai…", Mimi said carefully. "What we're trying to say is that he was really cruel to you. He left you to deal with everything instead of staying to support you. He made you break down, and I know you had a good reason to, but still. One could say that he won. And if you just give up without a fight, if you lock yourself up in here just because you're afraid you will meet him if you go out, then he's won again. You can't adjust your life to him; you can't let him decide what you can do or can not do."

I just sighed, knowing that she was right, as usual. Still, I knew I wouldn't be able to face him. It would just hurt too much. My face was still buried in my hands, and I could feel a few tears sliding down my fingers. Obviously the girls noticed this, because Kari moved closer and wrapped her arms around me, Mimi patted my arm and Sora said something like 'don't cry' or whatever.

I tried to pull myself together and angrily wiped my eyes. This crying thing was a new habit to me; usually, I never cried.

"So… I'll give it one chance", I said. "If it doesn't work, I'll quit."

They all seemed satisfied and we spent the rest of the day talking about random things and eating ice cream. In the evening, we invited Takeru and Dais over and watched old movies all night long. It was a quite pleasant day and I fell asleep feeling happy for the first time since I got that stupid phone call.

Sunday started off as a bad day. It was raining and the sky was grey. Kari woke me up by screaming, as usual, and as I was having a rather strange dream, I was so startled by this I fell out of bed. I hit my head on the floor and realised that it was going to be a bad day. When that happens, you should just go back to bed and sleep to avoid all the accidents that are bound to happen, but you never do, do you? So I got dressed and joined Kari for breakfast. I managed to burn my fingers on my toast and then I hit my foot on a chair.

This made me pissed off, so I decided I'd go for a walk, despite the heavy rain, and try not to get into more trouble. But since it was such a bad day, trouble was bound to find me.

I didn't really pay attention to where I was going; I merely let my feet decide. When I found myself outside the mall, I quickly turned around to leave, only to realise that Matt was standing a few yards away, his back turned towards me. I quickly walked away, hoping he hadn't seen me, and soon found myself walking along a shabby street in the middle of nowhere.

Normally, I was never afraid to be out on my own. Especially not in daylight. But since everyone in Odaiba knew I was gay, I had had to watch my back for the last year. So I wasn't all that surprised when I heard someone call my name.

"Hey, Yagami!"

I kept walking, hurrying towards the more central parts of town. But then I heard someone running behind me. I turned around and spotted five guys from school. One of them was one of my former team mates, and I'd seen the other ones around but didn't know their names.

"Hi Kouji", I said casually.

"Yeah, whatever, fag", he snorted.

I shrugged and continued to walk. I was soaking wet, I was confused about the whole Yamato-situation and I had had a really bad day. The last thing I wanted was to get into a fight. But the guys following me seemed to think otherwise.

"Stop, Tai", Kouji yelled.

I ignored him. This probably pissed him off, because suddenly there was a sharp pain in the back of my head and I found myself lying on my back, Kouji towering above me.

"Apologise", he said through gritted teeth.

"For what?" I snorted.

"For being a fag of course."

"You're stupid", I muttered.

I could see Kouji's foot coming closer and as it connected with my face, I knew I was screwed.

When I got home, it was already getting dark. I stumbled towards the door, somehow managing to get my keys out of my pocket. I could barely see; one of my eyes was swollen to the point where I lost all vision and the other had blood dripping into it because of my split eyebrow. My entire face was sore and my body was aching; I felt like I'd been run over by a truck.

"Tai! We were beginning to wonder what happened to you!" my sister shouted as she heard me open the door.

The sound of voices told me that all of our friends were probably there.

"Come here, Tai, were playing video games and I'm going to beat you!" Dais shouted.

"I think I'll just go to bed", I said quietly, trying hard not to move my lips since it hurt like hell. The bottom lip was split and even though I tried to be careful it started bleeding again.

"Go to bed?" Kari echoed, and I heard her get up and walk towards me. I quickly turned my back on her, trying to hide my face, but she was too quick. She grabbed my arm and turned me around by force. Then she screamed.

"What happened to you?" she asked in a trembling voice.

I tried to explain, but everything went blurry and the hall started to spin slowly. I could hear voices, but I couldn't understand what they were saying. I felt someone grab my arm and more or less carry me to the bathroom. Someone started cleaning my wounds, and it hurt like hell but I was too dizzy to be able to say anything. I just groaned vaguely and tried not to faint.

After a few minutes, however, my thoughts were getting clearer. I opened the eye that wasn't swollen and spotted Takeru, who was doing something to my eyebrow. He must have noticed that I looked at him, because he offered me a small smile.

"How are you feeling?" he asked quietly.

"Mggh…" I said, not wanting to hurt my lips again.

"You look like shit", TK stated. "You should have seen yourself when you got here, blood all over your face and stuff; you looked like you were dying."

The sound of people arguing suddenly reached my mind. I realised I had heard it for a while, but I hadn't paid attention to it.

"Come on, Dais, don't be such an idiot", I heard Sora yell.

"You're the idiot, Sora. We've got to do something, can't you see that?" Daisuke screamed.

"What's this about?" I mumbled.

"Daisuke wants to find those guys who did this to you and kill them, but Sora and Kari thinks it's a stupid plan", TK explained.

I was touched by Daisuke's loyalty. He always stood up for his friends, and it didn't bother him whether it was a physical or psychological fight.

"I want to kill them!" he yelled furiously.

"Calm down, Dais", Kari said in a high-pitched voice. "We have to stop arguing, it's completely pointless and it won't help him."

Takeru was finished taping my eyebrow and I got to my feet and stumbled into the living room.

"You're not gonna kill anyone, Dais", I said.

They all froze and looked at me.

"Tai! How… how are you feeling?" Sora asked carefully.

"I'm fine, isn't that obvious?" I said and offered her a small smile.

"I can't believe this", Kari said angrily as we sat down in the sofa. "How can people be so narrow-minded? It's stupid."

"Yeah, it really is", I agreed. "But that's life. Some people are stupid; one's just got to deal with it."

We spent the rest of the evening talking about stupid people, and I went to bed early. My head was throbbing with pain and I just wanted to hide in my room for the rest of the week.

It had been a while since last time I was beaten up. I had almost thought that people had given up, that they had found someone else to terrorise. But I guess I was wrong. They would never stop haunting me.

On Monday, I looked like shit. My left cheek was purple and black and blue, as was my right eye. My left eyebrow was patched up with tape, and my lower lip was split and swollen. I called in sick and stayed in my room the whole day, and I called my boss and told him I was sick.

Maybe I should have been relieved; after all, I wouldn't have to face Matt until next day. But I wasn't. I just wanted to go to work, realise I couldn't be in the same room as him, and then quit.

On Tuesday my face wasn't all that swollen anymore. I was still bruised and I had small cuts all over my face, but I didn't look as if I'd walked straight out of a horror movie. I went to school, and besides from Kouji and his friends laughing at me, no one said anything about my messed up face.

When I walked towards the mall after school, I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty. As I entered the CD-store, I was relieved to see Matt talking to customers. This way, I could slip through the staff door without him noticing me.

I walked through the lunch room and crammed my backpack into my locker. I took off my jacket and my shirt and was just about to put on my staff shirt when someone entered the room.

I turned around and found myself face to face with Yama. He was standing a few feet away, his cobalt eyes expressing pure shock.

Before any of us could say anything, however, my boss entered the room.

"Shit, Taichi, what the hell happened to you?" he yelled.

Akira, my boss, is twenty five years old and a pretty nice guy. But he's the worrying kind, and I should have known I would never get through the day without being interrogated by him.

"They beat you up again, huh?" he said with a soft voice, motioning towards my bruised ribs.

"Yeah, I guess", I said as I put my shirt on.

"Those stupid fuckers", Akira growled and grabbed my chin to be able to inspect my face.

"Ow, Akira, that hurts", I yelled as he poked my bruised cheek.

"Of course it hurts", he growled. "If I ever meet those stupid homophobes, I swear I'll fucking kill them."

"Just leave it, Akira", I said, trying to worm out of his grip.

"No, I won't. This is serious, Tai. It's not like it's the first time you look like this, it's been going on for a fucking year and if it doesn't stop…"

"Thanks for your concern, Akira", I interrupted. "But I can take care of myself. Let go of me."

Akira looked as if he was going to say something more, but then he bit his lip and released me.

"Whatever, Tai. Just be careful", he said and left the room.

All this time, Yama had been standing there, staring at me with fear in his eyes. Now he moved closer. Great.

"Tai…", he said anxiously.

"Leave me alone", I snapped. "Don't talk to me. Don't even _look_ at me, got it?"

I thought he would protest, but he merely shrugged, looking disappointed and on the verge of tears. I ignored this and walked away from him, resisting the urge to either punch him or kiss him.

* * *

**_Well, that's it for now. Tell me what you think._**

**_Oh, and the chapter titles are taken from the song 'Narcotic' by Liquido in case you're interested.._**

**_Love, Snowflake_**


	6. Will you release me with a kiss?

**_Treacherous Hearts_**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon._**

**_A/N: Well, new chapter. It's kind of short but ayways. Enjoy._**

**_And thanks to you who reviewed. You're the best._**

**_Chapter six: Will you release me with a kiss?

* * *

_**

Working with Matt wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Obviously, he'd listened to what I said earlier, because he avoided me as much as possible. Or maybe he just didn't want to be close to me. He'd already proven that once.

It made me nervous to have him this close though. I couldn't resist glancing at him when he didn't notice. He was even hotter than he had been when he left. He was slightly taller, his hair was a bit longer and his face was thinner and more mature. He was simply stunning.

Akira noticed that I wasn't paying attention to the customers. He pulled me into the staff room and asked me what was wrong. Since he's a friend of mine (even though he's my boss I still consider him to be a friend since he's such a nice guy) I told him briefly what happened between me and Matt. He was shocked and actually offered to go kick Matt's butt, but I told him not to. He then asked if I wanted him to fire Matt, but I said that would just be childish and that I would have to talk to him sooner or later anyways.

When I got off, I changed quickly and ran out of the mall to avoid him. I almost thought I'd succeeded when I heard him call out to me.

"Tai! Please, stop!"

At first, I was going to ignore him, but I realised I would indeed, as I had already told Akira, have to talk to him sooner or later.

I stopped, allowing him to catch up with me.

"Hi", he said, his body tense, as if he thought I would hit him.

"Hi", I replied, without enthusiasm, and started walking again.

We walked side by side for a while. He obviously didn't know what to say and I didn't really want to talk to him.

"Tai, I'm sorry", he finally spluttered.

I just snorted.

"I know I can't expect you to ever forgive me…" he trailed off.

I didn't say anything.

"I just… I just want to explain. I want to talk to you. I've missed you so much."

That was it. He missed me, right?

"You missed me?" I hissed. "Then why didn't you call me? Why didn't you tell me where you were or even why you left? If you loved me, like you said you did, you would never have abandoned me when I needed you most."

He didn't answer. I didn't expect him to.

"Yamato, I guess we'll have to at least be able to be polite to each other since we work together. But that's all there is. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to hear you explain anything and I most certainly don't want to be your friend. So just leave me alone as much as possible, okay?"

He didn't answer this time either, just kept walking beside me. That was annoying.

"Didn't I tell you I don't want your company?" I finally snapped.

He was quiet.

"Are you stupid or what?"

I stopped, my arms crossed and my heart pounding. He was just standing there, looking… numb. That's the only way to describe it. He looked drained of every emotion. Not his usual poker face but something new, something tired. Those cobalt eyes of his didn't sparkle as they used to. They were pale, almost grey, and his mouth twisted, as if he was about to smile or say something or even pout.

"Will you get away from me already?" I screamed, not being able to handle the situation as smoothly as I would have wanted to.

He still didn't say anything, so I simply punched him in the face. I really didn't know what else to do. I'll blame the fact that I wasn't mentally stable right then.

I didn't wait for his response. As soon as my fist connected with his jaw, I turned away and ran. I ran all the way home and stumbled into the elevator, panting and shivering and feeling an incredible need for alcohol.

'_I won't drink. I won't drink. I won't drink…'_

I repeated that phrase inside my head over and over again as I reached my apartment and opened the door.

Laughs reached me from the living room as I kicked off my shoes.

"Hi Tai!" Hikari chirped and came bouncing through the hall.

She halted as she saw my grim expression and allowed me to pass her and walk into the kitchen.

I was gulping down my third glass of water as Takeru entered the kitchen.

"Hey Tai", he said carefully, obviously realising that I wan not in a good mood.

"Hi", I grunted.

"You met my brother today, I assume."

"Yeah."

"So… How did it go?" Hikari asked and took a seat at the table, motioning for me and Takeru to follow her example.

"Well, we talked a bit and then I told him not to talk to me and then I hit him" I said quietly.

"You WHAT?"

"Well, what was I supposed to do? I told him to leave me alone and he just kept bugging me, saying shit like 'I need to explain' or whatever…"

I rubbed my eyes tiredly, unable to decipher my emotions. My thoughts were spinning rapidly and I couldn't sort out what I really felt about punching Yamato. I should have been regretful but I just felt tired. I needed a drink.

"Hikari…" I said, my voice no more than a whisper.

"Yeah?"

The concern in her voice was obvious.

"Could you please pour the rest of the vodka into the sink?" I asked. "Otherwise, I'll just end up drinking it."

"Sure."

When I was drinking on a regular basis, Kari never stole my alcohol. That's something that still amazes me. If it would have been her who was an alcoholic, I would have taken away everything that contained alcohol immediately. But she is very stubborn when it comes to other people's property. Stealing things is almost unforgivable to her. But as soon as I allowed her to touch my vodka, she gladly poured every last drop into the sink.

"So…" Takeru said slowly. "You didn't listen to him at all?"

"No. Why would I?"

"Because he really wants to talk to you. He told me that he needs to explain to you why he left."

"Unfortunately, I don't really want to hear why. It doesn't matter."

"Well, I think you should talk to him. It would be the best thing for both of you."

"I'd rather watch him suffer."

"Tai!" Kari said angrily. "Stop being so childish."

"Whatever."

* * *

As the weeks passed by, Yamato made no further attempts to talk to me. Even though it was painful to be so close to him again, I managed to be polite to him when necessary and otherwise I just ignored him. My friends hung out with him sometimes, but they were still a bit mad at him for leaving like that. The only one who really seemed to want his company was his brother, and they spent a lot of time together.

All in all, I thought that I had succeeded. I thought that I had everything under control. I didn't fool myself by believing that we could ever be friends again. How could I ever trust him?

But as we all know, things never turn out the way we plan. I found out that this is annoyingly true one Friday afternoon as I was walking home from school with Daisuke, Takeru, Hikari and Sora.

"Well, I'll see you guys tonight then", Sora said before leaving us and walking in the direction of her apartment. As I followed the rest of my friends walking in the opposite direction, I realised that I had no idea what we were supposed to do that night.

"Hey!" I said and halted. "What's happening tonight? How come I'm not invited to whatever you're doing?"

"Well", my sister said quietly.

"What?"

"Well, you see, Matt has a gig tonight and we thought we would go see him perform. I've heard his band is pretty good."

"Oh."

"We didn't think you would be interested", Takeru explained further.

"In fact, we thought you would be pissed at us if we told you we were going…" Daisuke started but received nasty glances from his friends and obviously decided that it would be safer to just remain quiet.

"Well, I want to go", I said, surprising myself as much as my friends.

I didn't want to go. At all. But I didn't like it when people ditched me.

"You do?" Kari asked suspiciously.

"Yeah. It would be boring spending the evening on my own", I lied.

"Hmm. Okay, great."

Kari pretended as if she didn't know I was lying about the reason why I wanted to come to the gig, and I was grateful for that. Dais and TK didn't have to know how childish I really was.

* * *

That night I found myself standing alone in a sea of people, watching the most gorgeous singer I had ever seen.

Of course, Matt had always been beautiful. But on stage, he was intoxicating. He seemed to belong up there, as if this was what he was born to do. His voice was even more beautiful than I had remembered, and his pale skin glistened with sweat as he performed. I could feel the old desire burn inside of me, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get rid of it.

There was a part of me that just wanted to forget what had happened during the last year and go up there and kiss him. That part of me seemed to get more and more dominant, and when the show ended, I rushed towards the backstage entrance. I felt drunk, even though I wasn't. My mind was in chaos and I couldn't think straight. When he spotted me, he smiled brightly and headed towards me.

I didn't resist at all when he kissed me.

* * *

_**Argh, stupid Tai, what has he gotten himself into? Well, you'll find out in the next chapter.**_

**_Please review and make me happy._**

**_Love, Snowflake_**


	7. Did I fear the consequence

_**Treacherous Hearts**_

**_Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own Digimon_**

**_A/N: Wow, this story is getting out of control. I was thinking five or six chapters when I started writing it, but obviously, it's getting longer than that. I don't know if that's a good thing or not..._**

**_Thanks to all of you who review, you make me happy_**

**_Chapter seven: Did I fear the consequence

* * *

_**

'_Shit, shit, shit…'_

I was walking rapidly through the park, the panic building up inside me.

I slept with him. I _slept_ with him. I slept with _him._ I can't believe I did that.

It was wonderful.

But it was so wrong. I was just happy I could sneak out of his apartment before he woke up. I didn't want to talk to him right then. In fact, I didn't want to talk to him ever again.

At least, this time, _I_ was the one to leave _him_. Revenge is said to be sweet, but somehow, it just felt wrong. I felt like he tricked me into sleeping with him. I know that's stupid, since I had wanted it just as much as he did, but still, I was mad at him.

I'd been walking for almost two hours and I was just as confused as before, so I decided I could just as well go home.

When I entered the apartment, I saw all of my friends gathered in the living room looking pale and worried. Why was it that my home was always full of people?

"Tai!" Daisuke shouted as soon as he spotted me. "We thought you were kidnapped or something."

"Tai, we've been worried about you. Where have you been?" Sora scolded.

I just stared at them for a moment, feeling my cheeks turn red. I hadn't thought at all about my friends when I left with Matt the previous night.

"I… um… um…" I stuttered.

They looked at me as if I was some sort of alien, and I couldn't blame them. I wasn't usually the blushing, nervous kind of guy.

"What's wrong, Tai?"

I didn't know what to say so I simply crashed down on the couch, burying my face in the pillows.

"Uh… Tai?"

"I'm an idiot" I mumbled into the pillow.

"Tai… do you know that there's a hickey on your neck?" Daisuke asked innocently.

The room was quiet. I could almost hear all of them realise what had happened.

"SHIT TAI ARE YOU RETARDED?!" Sora howled, as she was the first one to regain her senses.

"Wow, dude, that's just…" Takeru trailed off, obviously unsure weather to laugh or be annoyed.

"I know!" I groaned, my face still buried in the pillow.

"Why?" Hikari asked urgently.

"I don't know. It just sorta happened."

"Yeah right."

I knew Sora was glaring at me even though I couldn't see it.

"So… you slept with him?" Mimi asked curiously.

"Yes."

"Don't you possess any kind of self control at all?" Sora snorted.

I decided to ignore that comment.

"Did you at least talk to him?" Hikari asked. "Did he explain things?"

"No", I mumbled.

"What do you mean 'no'? He didn't explain?"

"No. I didn't talk to him. We didn't get a chance to talk last night. And this morning I sorta sneaked out before he woke up."

They just stared at me for quite a while.

"Tai, you're an idiot" Sora finally groaned.

"He deserved it!" I defended myself.

"Yes but you didn't!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, raising my head to look at my sister.

"It means that if you avoid talking to him it's just going to make you even more miserable."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is. Why can't you just sort this mess out? We all feel bad about watching you suffer like this."

"Yeah right."

"It's true" Takeru said. "Please, just talk to him."

"No... well, maybe… I don't know…"

I wasn't convinced, but something inside me was telling me that they might be right. I couldn't help but feel a bit touched at their efforts to make me feel better, even though I was slowly beginning to realise that I had no privacy whatsoever and that my love life was a subject they obviously discussed without my permission.

I had a week off from work, which was a good thing since it meant I wouldn't have to see Matt for seven days. But it was also a bad thing because my friends were all pestering me to talk to him.

I finally gave in. I don't really know why. I just came to the conclusion that the sooner I spoke to him, the sooner I could start ignoring him again and get rid of the pressure from my friends.

I told Takeru to tell him I'd meet him in the park after school. Before he left we always went to the park. We had our own place there, on a rock by the lake. And that was where I was sitting when he arrived.

He was… stunning. The pale autumn sun made his hair shine like gold and his black jacket made his skin appear almost white. His eyes were the same shade of blue as the crystal clear sky and there was a faint blush on his cheeks from the chill.

"Hi", he said as he reached me.

I just nodded and went back to observing the lake. I couldn't look at him; I didn't trust myself enough. He was too close and too pretty and I didn't want to end up kissing him again.

"It's cold", he stated; probably just to have something to say.

"Yeah", I responded and tried not to think about how beautiful his voice was.

We were quiet for a while, none of us knowing how to start the conversation. It was a bit weird, actually. I couldn't remember that we'd ever been this quiet around each other before.

After a while, we were both shivering slightly from the cold and he suggested that we'd take a walk. I couldn't see a problem with that, so we went.

The park was pretty empty. Only a few people passed by. We stopped for a brief moment to watch some kids play soccer, but it made me sad and I turned my back towards them and kept walking.

"What's this? You're actually not going to join them? I thought the day would never come when Taichi Yagami could resist a soccer game."

His voice was cheerful; it was the same voice he'd always used to make fun of me.

"I don't play soccer anymore", I informed him, my own voice lacking every trace of emotion.

"What?"

"I don't play soccer anymore", I repeated.

"Why not?"

He sounded completely bewildered.

"I was kicked off the team."

"What?"

"I was kicked off the team."

"Well, duh, I heard you. But… why? You were the best!"

"Never mind."

I didn't want to tell him about it. In fact, I didn't want to talk about it at all. It was too painful.

He grabbed my arm, causing me to stop. As I turned around, his eyes dug into mine with an urgency that almost scared me.

"Why aren't you playing soccer anymore, Tai?" he asked.

"It's none of your business" I growled, trying to get loose.

"Yes it is!"

He wasn't going to let me go, that was clear. It pissed me off. Everything that had been building up inside me – Matt leaving, quitting soccer, being an alcoholic, being beat up, Matt coming back, sleeping with him – it made me loose it.

"Do you really want to know why I don't play soccer anymore?" I hissed. "Because of you! Because I'm gay. They kicked me off the team."

"Tai, I…"

He looked almost scared, but I didn't care.

"No, shut up."

"But Tai…"

"SHUT UP! You have no idea what I've gone through because of you! You just left, you didn't even tell me where to. I needed you, Yamato! I had to face everything on my own; I was kicked off the soccer team, people beat me up, my own parents started hating me… I thought I would never make it. I'm just lucky enough to have my friends, because if not, I think I would have given up. And it would probably have been just as bad if you had stayed. People would have hated us just as much. But at least we would have been together."

I realised I had tears streaming down my face. Matt was crying too.

"I know", he said, eyes desperately pleading for me to understand. "I knew that would happen. That's why I left."

"What?"

"I was scared, Tai. I knew people would hate us. I don't think you realised it the way I did. That was why I left. Because I was scared. I panicked and just left as quickly as possible. At first, I was only planning on being away for a week or so, maybe until things calmed down. I thought I'd call you and maybe ask you to come live with me for a while. But then, as time passed by, it got harder and harder to contact you, because I didn't know what to say to you."

"So that's your reason?" I yelled. "That's the lousiest shit I've ever heard."

"Well, I'm sorry then, but everyone can't be as brave as you Tai."

I didn't bother to answer him. I just turned around and stormed away.

I was disappointed. I have to confess, I had expected him to have a good explanation. Something that could make me forgive him. But this… it was just lame. Scared, my ass.

Tears were flowing down my face as I walked rapidly away from him, from everything that was hurting me. I wished I could just leave him behind mentally as easily as I could do it physically.

* * *

**_I was thinking about writing the next chapter in Yamato's POV. What do you guys think? Would it mess up the story or is it a good idea? Let me know._**

**_Love, Snowflake_**


	8. Sweet devotion my delight

_**Treacherous Hearts**_

**_Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own Digimon_**

**_A/N: This is a chapter from Yamato's POV. I think the story needs it._**

**_Review and make me happy_**

**_Chapter eight: Sweet devotion - my delight

* * *

_**

As he walked away from me, it felt as if my heart was ripped out of my chest. And I deserved it. I deserved every little ounce of pain for what I did to him.

Taichi. I love you. I sighed and sat down on a bench nearby. My life was a complete mess and it was all my fault. One stupid decision had ruined everything.

I really did mean to contact him. When I ran away, I was in such a state of pure panic that I couldn't think straight. I ran home, took my passport and all of my saved-up money, and got on a plane to New York. When I got there, I felt so relieved. Somehow, I managed to find a place to live and I got a job as well. And I thought I'd call him and tell him that I was fine. Maybe try to convince him to come live with me. I was planning to go back home after a few weeks, when the worst was over and people had gotten used to the whole gay thing, but I missed him and I didn't want to spend those weeks in America without him. But every time I decided to call him, something else came up. I joined a band and we were good, we practised as often as possible and had a few gigs. And then we were offered to sign up for a record deal. We did. In no time at all, we were famous. It was great, and soon, almost a year had passed by and I had barely noticed. I thought about Taichi a lot, but I was so ashamed that I'd left him and it got harder and harder to contact him as time went by. What do you say to the love of your life after ignoring them for a year anyways? I guess I thought he'd understand. I thought he'd wait for me, and when I returned, I expected him to be happy to see me. Silly, I know. It was all just wishful thinking.

When our record company decided that we'd be huge in Japan, I suggested Odaiba immediately. I wanted to see my friends again. So we went to Japan to record a new album and such, and I finally called him just to realise that I had ruined everything.

I met my brother and my friends again, which was great, but they told me things about Taichi that made me hate myself so much it was almost unbearable. While I was performing, earning shitloads of money and having the time of my life, he was being beat up and picked on. They told me about his depression and alcohol problems and about how he wasn't his old happy self anymore. I knew they blamed me. And they were right. I had destroyed him when I betrayed him.

When he walked into the CD store, I thought my heart would stop beating. He was paler than before, and thinner, but he was still so gorgeous. His hair was still bushy and his eyes still that chocolate and gold colour. I realised right then how much I really missed him. That night, I cried myself to sleep, and I actually wished I would die.

But as I was sitting in the park, feeling more alone than ever before, I decided that I would make it up to him. Somehow, I would show him that I still cared about him, that he meant so much to me, and I would devote my entire life to making him happy. It was the least I could do.

* * *

To be continued sooner or later. I hope you still enjoy it.

Love, Snowflake


	9. And I called your name

_**Treacherous Hearts**_

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon or its characters and so on_**

**_Authors note: Well, it's not as long as I know you want it to be, but at least it's something. I've been working on this chapter for ages, and I need to get it over with to be able to move on with the story. It may be a bit lousy, and there may be spelling mistakes and sp on, but I don't care. At least it's an update and I hope you like it._**

**_(Oh, and it's Tai-POV again.)_**

**_Thanks to you who reviewed, I seriously love you._**

**_Chapter nine: And I called your name_**

I stayed home from school for the rest of that week. I spent most of the time in my bed, and even though my friends tried to convince me to go to school, I refused, telling them that I needed to be left alone.

I felt so… empty. Exhausted. I cried a lot. I think I had never really let go of my self control and allowed myself to feel exactly how miserable I was until then. I let out all of the tears that had been building up inside me for the last year. And when I was done crying, I felt so empty. The aching lump in my stomach was gone, but it left a huge empty space inside me and I had nothing to fill it with. I could hardly remember what it was like to be happy, and I wasn't really relieved, I was just… nothing.

On Saturday, I had to go to work. As I entered the kitchen, my mother was in there.

This was a surprise, considering the fact that she was never at home anymore. She and my father worked a lot, and they often went away on business trips or stayed at hotels. They tried to keep away from me as much as possible, I knew that, and I can honestly say that I was glad they were away so much, but I felt a bit sorry for Kari for having to grow up without her parents because of me.

My mother eyed me suspiciously as I entered the kitchen.

"Hi mom", I said as I started to rummage through the fridge.

"I've told you not to call me that", she hissed.

"Oh. Sorry."

It's a reflex, really, to refer to your own mother as 'mom', but she didn't really understand that. Since she learned about my 'situation', she's been insisting that I call her by her first name. I guess she doesn't want to be reminded that she gave birth to a fag.

Gee, I love my life.

The woman (a.k.a. Mom) stared at me as I made myself some breakfast.

"So… you're not at work?" I asked, trying to act civilized.

"No."

Okay, so she obviously wasn't in the mood for small talk.

"I'm off to work", I said as I put my bowl and my spoon in the sink. "I'll do the dishes later. Bye."

"Taichi."

I turned around and looked at her, fairly surprised.

"What?"

She just looked at me, her eyes expressing frustration and maybe something pretty close to hate.

"Why are you doing this to us?"

Wait, what?

"What do you mean?" I asked, trying not to let my anger show.

I knew exactly what she meant and it pissed me off.

"Is this your idea of a joke or something? Or is it some kind of teenage rebellion-phase? I don't understand why you hate us so much. Why do you do this to us? Don't you see…"

"Why I hate you so much? Why I _hate_ you? Do you actually think that I'm gay because I want to punish you and dad?"

"Well, that's the only reason that makes sense. Why else would you do it?"

"You really don't get it, do you?"

I was shaking from anger, and the woman (mom) looked ready to kill.

"It has nothing to do with you", I hissed. "I don't care if it makes you hate me, that's not the point. I fall in love with guys, and there's nothing I can do about it. And there's certainly nothing you and dad can do about it."

"That's just rubbish. I've spoken to a psychologist about this and he says that homosexuality is like a mental disease…"

"Then he's _wrong_!" I shouted.

"Don't you yell at me!"

"But why can't you just understand?"

"Understand what?"

"You fall in love with men, right? So does Hikari. And I do too. Is it really that strange?"

"It's disgusting and it's a disease and I want you to stop this right _now_."

We stared at each other, the hatred making the air thick.

"I'm afraid I can't do that", I growled.

She took a deep breath, obviously trying to calm down.

"Your father and I are leaving this afternoon. We're going to be in Europe for three months. When we get back, I expect you to be normal again. It's either that, or you can find somewhere else to live."

I walked rapidly towards the town centre, my heart beating as if it was trying to escape my chest. Stupid, narrow-minded woman. Right then, I hated her with every fibre of my being.

I was so caught up in my mom-hating that I didn't hear them coming. All of a sudden, I felt something collide with my head and I fell face-first to the ground. I felt a few ribs break as someone kicked me repeatedly.

I heard them laugh and I knew who they were; Kouji and his friends, the ones who'd beat me up not so long ago. But this time, it was worse. I could hear the blood-thirst in their voices. I managed to turn around, and as I lay on my back I could see their mean faces smiling down at me. One of them had a baseball bat, an Kouji took it from him, swinging it back and forth in front of me.

"This is what happens when you don't adjust, Yagami", he hissed. "If you refuse to change, then you have to take the consequences. We can't have people like you walking around on the streets."

I didn't answer. I was busy trying not to pass out due to the pain in my ribs.

"Say goodbye", Kouji said slowly, raising the bat.

"Leave him alone!!" someone shouted.

I knew that voice. As I saw someone run towards us, golden hair whipping around his face, Kouji swung the baseball bat, and everything went black.

**It must suck to be Tai :)**

**Review, pleeeease**


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